It’s not going to go over appreciatively once you’ve realized that I don’t have anything poignant to communicate today.  Alternatively, I am going to employ a vast multitude of synonymic wording to express my diurnal contemplation.  

Commencing upon arrival at my place of residence, I concocted breakfast for my consumption.  I perched at our dining table to masticate my meal as I perused the online communal publishment sites.  Upon completion of my meal, I proceeded forthwith to my bed for horizontal slumber.  Recurring periods of overnight laboring occupation have proven to be arduous.

I nuturingly finalized today’s exasperating announcement, post slumber awakening.  I am grateful to have completed such a daunting task utilizing synonyms throughout.  It was feasibly epigrammatic.