We all do dumb things.  Sometimes more often than we wish to admit.  This evening I did something stupid to myself.

I punched myself in the left testicle.

It hurt.  

It was dumb.  

It was unintentional.

I had just stood up from the kitchen and was walking over to our computer when it happened.  I was walking and about to adjust my manhood when I slipped and full force punched myself in the junk.  The pain entered my lower abdomen like lightning.  I froze.  My brain recoiled and I internally slapped myself for being such a dumbass.  At this point my brain decided that my left hand was no longer permitted near my manhood.  I needed to use my right hand by itself and attempt to slide it into my pants towards my left testicle in order to console it and adjust its position.  My left arm was left dangling off to the side and flapped around like a rag doll as I squirmed cautiously to soothe my bruised ego.

So tonight I punched my own testicle.  I almost don’t mind it because it’s better than the time I kicked that same testicle after a shower.

Yes, you read that correctly.  I kicked myself in the left testicle once.  It happened a couple of years ago.  I had just finished drying off from a shower and was in a hurry to get dressed.  I got my right leg into my underpants and was lifting my left leg up in order to put it in the underwear leg hole.  I pulled my foot up so quickly that I kicked the underside of my scrotum with my heel.  Almost instantly I was on the floor writhing in pain.  I suffered for what seemed like an eternity before I could get up again.

My wife still brings up the time that I smashed a broken branch against a tree.  It boomeranged back at me crashing into both testicles.  I danced around with both hands cupping my junk as I howled in pain.

I’ve done many stupid things to my family jewels over the years.  I was really hoping for it to be over.

Have I told you about the other time I was getting dressed and bent down to pick up my clothes and the doorknob smashed me in the taint?  No?  Well it hurt.