Cheerio To Eating Breakfast Cereal

Yesterday morning I decided that a great way to start my day would be eating a big bowl of Cheerios in milk. In all my years of eating breakfast and growing big and strong, I knew that in order to really enjoy a bowl of Cheerios I had to be the first to eat a bowl from the new box.

I also knew that once I opened a fresh box and poured out the cereal- I’d have to act quickly in order to enjoy these little, round, mini oat donuts. The spoon needed to be at the ready inside the bowl, underneath it’s first scoop. The bowl of cereal had to be on my dining table waiting patiently. And only then, would the milk be added.

Then I shovel those crunchy, (what I assume is sawdust and glue infused) oat circles into my mouth as quick as possible. Like an Olympic swimmer, you have to plan your breathing and time it between scoops. I eat my Cheerios so fast that the milk barely has time to penetrate their inner circles.

Within seconds, the bowl is filled with nothing but a milky desert sand coloured liquid. No more bites. Now to drink!

Do you tilt the bowl and continue on the animalistic path of slobbery? Or do you elegantly utilize your spoon and savor the new milk?

If you chose “tilt the bowl” you are my kind of cereal connoisseur. Like a kid rushing to be ready for school- one needs to get this meal in the body as fast as possible. No one likes soggy cereal and thick milk.

I’m older now. And after yesterday’s breakfast- much wiser. It turns out my adult body doesn’t like milk the same way as it once did. Turns out that scarfing down a bowl of oat cereal can upset my tummy tumtum. What I once enjoyed in the bowl- now upsets my bowel.

I can safely say that I am ready to move on. I shall no longer eat bowls of cereal with milk. Even if it’s the first bowl of freshly opened cereal. The best bowl.

Who needs an enema when you can have a big hearty bowl of Cheerios to clean you out… And clear out a room.

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