Fall Down, Go Boom

On Saturday evening, I fell over and hit my head pretty hard on the cement of our garage floor. Besides a bruised ego, it feels as though I have strained some muscles in my neck and shoulder. All day yesterday my left thumb was also tingling with pins and needles.

My coworker reminded me “Pictures or it didn’t happen” and asked if anyone videotaped it. In my brilliant forethought- I had a camera in the garage. Not specifically to see this mind you, but there it was, at around 5pm.

Anyways, a tall guy like me falling over is not a normal thing to occur. Lucky for me in this day and age, there is camera footage. Oh boy do I look stupid. Watching it play back, I am embarrassed for past me and the fall that occurred.

My son was in the kitchen and heard the ruckus. He was nice enough to come and check on me. Again, the situation was embarrassing and completely preventable. My equilibrium was off due to a mix of swimming and drinking in the hot sun. Not a very grownup thing to do.

I am not ready to share the footage, give me a week or two when the Emotional Damage dissipates. Then I can share with friends.

Kids In The Hall

Back in high school, I was a huge fan of “The Kids in the Hall”. Yup, I was watching them when they first aired back in the early 90’s. The skits were very creative and totally out there. I even plagiarized some of the comedy in order to survive English class. My teacher at the time said I was “morbid” and “syndical” as well as “macabre”. Kind of like life if you ask me some days.

1996 rolled around and I was a couple of years out of school by then. “The Kids in the Hall” made the film- “Brain Candy.” I may or may not have been experimenting with psychedelics at this time in my life. But I did enjoy the film and the commentary on drug usage in North America at the time. Periodically I still put on the soundtrack because it was gosh darn good.

Around the same time, I went and saw “The Kids” perform a live show in Vancouver. Okay, maybe it was in the year 2000 that they toured. My life was a blur back then. I wasn’t ready to settle down… and life was still just a thing to live periodically. I knew one day that I’d be done monkeying about. Little did I know that was the year that my life would change.

22 years later and “The Kids in the Hall” banded back together for an appearance on Amazon Prime. Eight episodes to watch, and the first one had full frontal male nudity. Like the kind of nudity that was of men far older than I. Awkward nudity. Humorous nudity. Because- why the heck not? An added bonus- there is a contest they created called “paint Bellini” and naturally I entered. Wouldn’t that be a riot? Win the contest of a show that impacted my life all of those times way back when?

Anyhow, go watch the show on Amazon Prime. It’s Canadiana at its finest. Or don’t. I’m not your boss. But if you do- expect some new skits and a few classic characters to make an appearance.

Long live KITH. And did I mention, in high school- my friends and I tried to get our own comedy sketch show off the ground? Called “Slow Children Playing.” I tried a few times to get in going. Yet no one had the commitment to do it. Now it’s more “Middle Age Memes”. Or essentially “The Kids In The Hall.” So go watch it. Or don’t. No big deal to me.

April Is Ending

What a peculiar month April was. Teasing of spring; a smattering of winter- all to remind us of how crazy Mother Nature is. And of course today is meme filled with…

As humorous as this joke was Ten years ago when it was first introduced to the internet, perhaps it’s time to retire the meme. It’s used as much as Cher’s “Turn Back Time” every year. I love a good meme, but sometimes oversharing can kill the joke. With May on the cusp- I am looking forward to nicer weather and wearing less layers

I really do love May and I am excited to overshare Star Wars Memes and phrases next week. So I really shouldn’t complain about memes that need to retire. Especially in four days time because I will be saying…

Quebec Has My Wife And Son

My wife and son have arrived safely in Quebec. They have a couple of days to explore before the speed skating competition. So that’s what they did.

Throughout the day my wife sent me random photos. None were really the type that people share while on a vacation or trip. More just things that she found interesting or humorous- and sent them to send me.

I am a little unsure as to why she shared a picture of kale dumped on the side of the road. Or why she felt it necessary to send a picture of snow the height of a car. In fact, when she sent that to me, as I am here in Vancouver, it began to snow shortly after I received the text. We can all blame her for the snow arriving here! Sorry friends on behalf of my wife.

However, amongst the random pictures of things, she did send me a smiling selfie of the two of them. There was also the obligatory poutine meal picture. So I know they are happy and well fed on this trip. Hopefully she will share some other pictures of more interesting adventures and I can pass them on to everyone else.

Phone Contacts

I added a new number recently into my cellphone. I think it means I have entered the next stage in my life. If I ever put it as a “Favorite” then I’ll be reaching the final few years of my life.

Yeah. I added a pharmacy phone number into my phone. I have gotten prescriptions elsewhere. Previously, if I ever needed a refill I would just look on my bottle or inhaler and call the pharmacy. Easy-peasy. Except the last time.

Maybe I’m getting old, or maybe I just wasn’t focusing. But I had a tough time reading the label on my inhaler. The writing was too damn small! I tried to use my phone and take a picture so I could zoom in. That got me most of the number. But I didn’t want to hazard a guess. I ended up looking up the pharmacy phone number online. After I called in the refill- I stored the phone number into my phone.

No more trying to squint or take pictures for this old man. I don’t think I need glasses quite yet. But I do think I may need to set my phone to a larger font… ah the joys of creating my mid-forties.

Dog Nap

After a long day of pressure washing the driveway, I wanted to take a nap. It seems though our dog had different ideas. And my wife found it humorous as well.

With what little space there was between me and the back of the couch, Maki squeezed herself in. My wife thought it humorous to take a photo. After a bit my tried to call the dog off the couch.

Wouldn’t you know it, the dog climbed onto the back of the couch and began to wag her tail. Slapping me in the face repeatedly with excitement as my wife pet her. Soon after my wife left, but the dog was riled up and refused to leave me alone.

That was my cue to get off the couch. So I went to the bedroom and took my nap in peace. The dog was like a toddler unable to leave me alone. As much as I appreciated the love and affection-

I just needed a nap.

Josef by Urban Dictionary

Ever try looking up your name on the internet? It’s dubbed “Egosurfing”. Oftentimes you can find old information about yourself as well as other people with similar names. I do it every year or so out of curiosity. Today I did it because of a Facebook memory from twelve years ago.

My status was about looking up my name on Urban Dictionary and finding this:

a pagan way of spelling Joseph. Usually scandinavian, german or russian

also the most awesome, coolest, godlike person ever

i saw josef the other day
did you?
lightning strikes him
you didnt bow down before saying my name BITCHES!!
die you stupid shauna heads!!

I hit up Urban Dictionary once more to see if it was still the same. There were many more fun ones added. Like this one:

Someone who is captivating and creative spirit. Knows how to use words into having people give him what he wants. Has a dark mind but soft heart. Usually has poor decision making. Someone who is very sensitive and needs a lot of love. Someone who you’re drawn to for life for reasons you don’t know. They might come into your mind from time to time and hard to forget. They are fun to be around and terrible singers (when making fun of a song). They are tatooed of their favorite bands and logos. Writing and music is an extreme passion for them. They like rap music and are freaksof nature if you let them. They like to stay up late and party at rock concerts. They are always looking for happiness but always seem to be stuck on one person.

Using Urban Dictionary means jokes about penis size (good and bad) also some mean spirited definitions aimed directly at specific people. (Not me of course, right?) Inside jokes.

I do forget how fun Urban Dictionary once was. I still use it when trying to figure out latest trends and terms. Yeah, that’s my old man way of being hip with the lingo. Of the younger generations.

Just remember this important aspect about Josef:

Keeping Ahead Of The Youth

My children are often surprised that I am well engaged in what is going on in the world. I don’t mean current events per se. But rather the latest social media trends.

Since my knowledge of the internet started long before our children were born, I have learned, watched and participated in growing and learning with the information super highway. Even before the internet we had “shareware”. A floppy disk with pirated software shared amongst friends. Now I can find almost anything I want at all online. As well, anyone can have a moment of fame. And there is no rhyme or reason for how that works.

It’s all about ME in Social MEdia

As for social media and sharing trends, I have created accounts in almost everything that has come along. Some last only a brief second- Google+ for example. While other apps just don’t excite or interest me, such as Snapchat or Reddit. That’s just personal taste.

🟩⬛⬛⬛⬛
🟩🟩⬛⬛⬛
🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩 This game. Ugh.

I have found that since I am ahead of my teenagers in the trends, they will often share with me a love of the goofiness that we find on the various applications. We get to bond over random humors. I’ll continue to stay engaged in what goes on in the world and any trends that pique my interest. Currently looking at you WORDLE. For a game that takes a couple of minutes, I’m definitely competitive in trying to solve it in as few turns as possible.

For me, social media is a part of life and community. I’m glad that it all still makes sense to my mid-forties brain.

Comic Strip Orange Cats

Back in the 80’s and early 90’s, I had a book collection of comic strips. It started with the original fat cat- Garfield. This was a good way to get me into reading at a young age.

All through elementary school I obsessed about Garfield. I had all the books that had come out at the time. I also had a dozen or so bookmarks and numerous t-shirts with the cat and some sort of catchphrase on them. Before Garfield had a regular tv show, there was a Halloween special that I had recorded off the tv and watched numerous times, memorizing every word.

Then came a new obsession- Calvin and Hobbes. Some of the greatest adventures and imaginative storytelling ever. Again I bought the books which were filled with a collection of comic strips and Saturday funnies. The relatability of the characters and their escapades were unrivaled to any other comics at the time. At one point in my life, I could relate to the father!

As I grew up, my humor changed and I started to see more of the real world portrayed in the daily newspaper comics. Bloom County had some great satire with slapstick tossed in. Bill the Cat was ridiculous and fun. My binders in high school were filled with doodles of Bill and his infamous THBBFT.

Eventually, my comic strip books were given away. But when I married my wife, her collection of the same Calvin and Hobbes books brought me a renewed joy. I knew I met the right woman for me. I re-read the books at a time when our kids were little and their imaginations were running wild. It helped in my parenting by remembering that fun is an important learning tool.

Thank you to the artists out there who made these comic strip cats a big part of my life.

I Forget Birthdays

I am the worst. As much as I support friends and family, I forget important aspects. The biggest selfish thing I do? I forget birthdays. Recently I forgot my mother’s and my niece’s.

I’m almost always late in wishing people a Happy Birthday. That’s the reason that my Facebook status on January 1st is the same every year.

So yeah, I feel kinda bad for not addressing people’s birthdays on their day. Unless you remind me or invite me out for a party- I generally only remember my wife’s and our kid’s birthdays. And one friend. Only because his birthday is ten days after mine.

So don’t feel bad that I don’t wish you a Happy Birthday until it’s after the fact. But if you’re out there making a difference in your life- be sure I’ll remember that and keep cheering you on!

Is It Funny or Is It Mean?

Humor can be tricky to produce. Getting a laugh at someone’s expense isn’t always the nicest thing to do. My personal opinion is that if you can dish it, you best be able to take it. But always read the room first.

I am notorious for the quick witted burn or jab. Usually only done to close friends who equally get me back. You tease the ones you love the most. As adults, many of us have grown thick skin and know when one another are joking around.

Teaching my kids about humor on the other hand has had it’s fair share of turns for the worse. There are some days when one joke can be funny, but tell a similar insult the next day and it can turn into death stares and “Dad, You Suck.” Plus there are times when what they say just isn’t funny. It’s just mean for the sake of being mean.

For the most part when that happens, we talk about why it isn’t funny. That fine line of humor and cruelty gets explored. I also try and get them to tell me if what I say is too much. Boundaries in humor are definitely needed. Otherwise a person could sound like a bigot, sexist, bully or even an asshole.

All of that aside, humor makes the world a better place. Being able to laugh at oneself is also good. But be nice-ish…

Still Having Date Nights

My wife and I have been together for nearly 22 years. I still love her dearly. One of our biggest strengths is that we communicate with one another. It’s not always easy to talk about concerns or tough days, but we do our best. My favorite thing is that we can still have fun together.

We still attend our favorite sushi place regularly- Nikko Sushi. They treat us like family and we always have a great meal there. I enjoy being silly with my wife and we continue to make each other smile and laugh.

She drags me out for walks around the neighborhood still. I have realized that even though I may not want to go, it is good for the mental health. As well, I know it makes her happy to go out and talk with me while we wander. I have been considering our walks as “dates” these days. It gets me out more often to spend quality time with her.

We also have “dates” where the two of us play video games together. Somehow after two decades, we still act young and silly… And I love it. We will continue to have dates for years to come. Perhaps one day we will be an elderly couple talking smack talk at one another while playing some VR with teenage looking avatars.

Forgetting Food

Planning when to eat during a night shift is tough. I know some people who choose to fast the entire night. Others eating junk food all night. Usually I like to have leftover dinners before midnight and later on a breakfast type of snack to get me through the last few hours before I go to bed. Sometimes it’s a granola bar, other times it’s oatmeal, and on a rare occasion it’s a Pop Tart.

Towards the end of my night shift today, I ate a sandwich that I had brought with me. Everyday for the last two weeks at work I have brought a peanut butter sandwich. I took a bite of my sandwich this morning and immediately my brain went haywire.

What the hell is wrong with this sandwich? It doesn’t taste like peanut butter at all. Yeah, that’s because I made myself a salami and cheese sandwich with mayo and mustard instead. I had completely forgotten that I had changed it up.

Not sure if I’m getting forgetful as I get older or I just exhausted at the end of a night shift. But man, did I ever feel stupid. Good thing no one knows what goes on in my head. But let me tell you- my tastebuds were expecting one thing and got totally Rick Rolled with another. A complete mental shock. A bit unsettling as well.

Anyhow, I vow to make myself a peanut butter sandwich for tonight.

I Don’t Remember This…

Every day or so I like to look at my Facebook Memories. That’s because I haven’t posted on there very often in the last few years. Mostly my Instagram shares go on Facebook as well. I don’t tend to add Status updates anymore. Which leads me to something very odd. A memory that I don’t remember happening or why it happened.

The first memory from seven years ago isn’t a big deal. At the start of January- BC property assessments are released. I’m always interested in seeing what our home value is as well as the neighboring properties. This year ours is the highest on the street. which is good and bad. We will have to pay full taxes with no discount this July.

But it was the next two statuses that I have no recollection of. SURGERY ON MY GUMS? What was that about? I had my wisdom teeth pulled out prior to Facebook even being created. So it wasn’t that. I still have all my teeth and have never had a root canal. My wife and kids don’t have any idea either.

Seriously though? What did I get done to my jaw? Why is it I was able to complain on social media, yet I have no idea what it was that happened? The comments are from my friends just poking fun at me. I am at a complete loss.

The on way to resolve my confusion is to ask my dentist on my next visit about the work I had done. But if I do that, my embarrassment level will be too high and I’ll need to find a new dentist. I don’t want to do that, I like our dentist.

So perhaps this “memory” shall remain a mystery to me.

Is This The Real Life…

What if this life we are living isn’t real?

If you found out it wasn’t real, would that make it any less worth living? Or maybe you’re like me and want to walk that fine line of questioning reality and adhering to the rules.

Normally these thoughts enter my mind every September. Don’t ask me why. I think that’s just when the server gets rebooted. Or that reality gets shifted two inches to the right.

In all seriousness, I love the idea of VR. In fact, we have had the Oculus Quest 2 in our home for two years now. With The Metaverse starting to take shape, I think it’s an exciting time to be alive. Over the past couple of years we have all been more exposed to Zoom meetings and video conferences. Strapping on a headset is the next step. The current visuals alone are compelling and immersive. Soon there is going to be Haptic Gloves coming out. That will really change the usage of the Virtual and Augmented reality.

In the not too distant future, we may become fully immersed in a haptic body suit or some sort of chamber. We will begin to occupy a new level of interaction with one another. I do wonder if one day we will be so interconnected that we lose sight of reality.

Perhaps we already have. Maybe we are reliving aspects of humanity we once romanticized- the dawning age of computers. Or maybe we are an alien race playing a life simulator. Could it also be we are just a computer program that became sentient?

I have no idea about any of this. But it sure is fun to imagine that it could be the reality. And if the life we are currently experiencing isn’t real- at least it’s been a crazy adventure.

Pupper Comfort

We adopted our dog Maki last November. Since then she has been a big part of our lives. She helped brings some vivaciousness to old elder dog, Lex- thus giving him almost another year with us. Maki has also helped with being an emotional support animal of sorts to all of us at one time or another.

Even though Maki is a strange character- oftentimes acting as if she is going through an Existential moment- she is still a dog needing love and attention. She enjoys curling up on the couch and trying to take the best seat.

I’m not always happy with this turn of events. I preferred having dogs at our feet. Not on the couches or beds. Maki is not an exception in my mind. But I have been outvoted since day one. So she gets a spot on the couch.

I swear she knows how I feel. Because as soon as she jumps on the couch- her face is in mine. And she has The Worst Dog Breath Ever! She must know this because that snout of hers goes right up to my nose.

Maybe if her breath didn’t smell so bad, I’d be more accepting of the fact she has earned a spot on the couch, not just our hearts.

10% More Anal Leakage

I love to experiment with food. Baking and cooking make me happy. On my days off, I tend to take the time to create new meals for the family. Last night I tried something new.

We bought some of those large shell pastas the other day. I boiled them like I was supposed to. I also fried up some ground beef and stuffed them along with a chunk of cheese. Then I wrapped another shell over top. I was a little bit clumsy at times and ripped a few shells. But was over all satisfied with them. For the next step I decided to deep fry them in order to create a crunch and melt the cheese.

Deep frying them did exactly what I wanted. However, they each fell apart in the oil. So I had to pull the basket up and fish out the bits and put them in our dinner bowls. They were served with salsa and sour cream. Taste wise- the family enjoyed… mostly. The downside? These shells turn into little scoops that collected the oil from the deep fryer. So we got the occasional slurp of oil added. Nothing like drinking canola oil at dinner.

I suspect that each of us won’t be trusting a fart all day today. Those who know, know. Next time I might just deep fry the shells alone and then strain them before adding beef. Creating little scoops for our dinner. Sometimes you win at experimenting with foods, other times you carry a roll of toilet paper with you all day.

Update Needed

I have mentioned Google Home and automation tech a few times over the years. I’m extremely fond of how easy it is to use. Some of my favorite aspects are the schedules and routines. I have a few like “ok Google, Good Night.” And my bedside lamp goes on and Google says “Goodnight Josef.” Totally awesome.

This week, I added some plugs for the Christmas tree lights and created a routine that turns on every tree and plays Christmas orchestral music from Spotify. “Ok Google- Merry Christmas.” Pretty straightforward. Except that I wanted an icon for the trees that didn’t look like a plug or a lightbulb. But no such luck.

Instead I used the Kettle icon. It’s triangular and kind of works. But who uses a kettle or coffee maker on a smart plug? That makes no sense to me. Most of them have clocks and timers. It would be nice if Google updated their icons on the app to represent activities that make sense. Like turning on Christmas lights. Or the outdoor lights. A lightbulb or plug icon gets kind of lost in the app settings.

In the meantime, our nine foot tree is a kettle. That’s sort of festive… we like hot chocolate.

Naked Tree

Yesterday we had a wind storm hit the west coast. My wife and I are glad that we moved to a place with no large trees in our yard anymore. The fear of losing power or a tree slamming into the roof is gone. With this sense of relief came something else- a sense of humor.

As I was leaving for work at 5:20pm, I noticed the small tree in our front yard lost all of it’s beautiful red leaves. They just dropped straight to the ground. So I leaned out and took this picture. I was going to send it to my wife and tell her the tree was naked. I headed out to work and was going to message her afterwards. As I arrived at work, she sent me this text:

She beat me to it! We both thought the same thing. This is absolutely hilarious to me. After being together for over 21 years, I guess we just know each other so well.

Naked tree. Why is that so funny to us?

Existential Doggo

Another great evening to be had on the back deck as the sun begins to set. I keep on sharing pictures of the view, and it is well worth it. It seems I’m not the only one who enjoys the deck and the sky.

Our dog, Maki, has decided that she is just as good as her human family. She has discovered the joy of sitting on our back patio set and staring off into the horizon. I watched her for a while while she just zoned out.

When I finally got her attention, she just looked so happy. She also didn’t want to leave her seat. So I sat beside her and we gazed out on the horizon. She’s a great companion who can sit silently and just enjoy the moment.

Dogs are the best. I wonder what she was thinking?

Google Search With Random Keywords

Ever have something stuck in your head and you just really need to get it out? Or you have a memory of something so abstract that you feel the need to search it out using descriptive keywords? I had that tonight.

I was looking for a video which I remembered watching years ago. I couldn’t remember what it was called or much more than a terrible description of what was in the video. After about 20 minutes of sleuthing, I found what I was looking for. My keywords were so far off from being accurate.

Pirate Baby’s Cabana Battle 2006

Yes, I was looking for this video specifically. For the life of me I could not remember the title. Or where I first saw it. But I found it and think it is time to share the link with you all!

Pirate Baby’s Cabana Battle 2006

Enjoy the video!

Celebrity Fun

Over the years I have met numerous celebrities. That is mainly due to me being a Convention Carny. I’ve even had quite a few interactions with celebrities online as well. Most recently was my all time favorite- Elvira.

I had the luxury of meeting Cassandra Peterson in person in Vancouver followed by a few weeks later in Los Angeles. She was so nice to my daughter and I. I learned that her sense of humor is raunchy and fun, so a random comment on Instagram made me happy that she responded. Oh yeah, 13 year old me still has the hots for her.

The fact that Pee-Wee Herman and Elvira are close friends makes me happy as well. A few years ago, Mr. Herman liked a comment of mine on Facebook. I’ve dressed as PW for Halloween and acted the part as well.

But my favorite set of celebrity friends is Felicia Day and Wil Wheaton. I’ve had the opportunity to met them both a couple times at various conventions and even played a board game with Felicia Day.

Celebrities are like regular people running a business. The interactions they have with the public is akin to promoting a product. That product being their status in the media world. It’s fun and neat when they communicate indirectly with you. A moment of connection occurs.

Have you had any good interactions with celebrities? Or even any bad ones? Let me know in the comments. I’m off to continue being an influencer now… to my family.

As Far As Friends Go…

After last Wednesday’s funeral, I had mentioned how I was going to get back into Facebook and search out friends once more. Some people have found me and added me. But generally speaking- it has been me reaching out again. It was as my choice over two years ago to leave Facebook Friends behind after all.

In the short time since starting my friend gathering, I have accumulated 124 Facebook Friends. When I left back in March 2019 I was at almost 400. It feels like I hit reset on a game and my saved progress is gone.

Time to go in like Ash Ketchum on his adventures to get Pokémon! I’m 14% of the way there. Considering there are 898 total currently out there. I can hit that number of Pokémon friends quick enough.

So as I try and gather up my friend numbers, I’m going to use my power-up: kindness. It’s super effective. Gotta catch’em all!

I want to be the very best!

Office Supply Boredom

Work is a bit slow these days. It reminds me of a time a few years ago when I was working nights and it was equally slow. My boss and I decided to make some toys from office supplies.

Office Wars

The pencil crossbow was my favorite. I ended up making two of these and my boss and I did target practice at empty boxes. These things were quite powerful and a ton of fun.

Found on Reddit

We also made various animals from the large binder clips. The Scorpion one was the coolest by far. In fact my wife calls the clips “Scorpion Clips” now because of this.

Pretty sure these activities stem from a childhood of school boredom. At least the art has gotten better than just a few pencil holes stabbed in an eraser. Or using the protractor set to create a catapult.

Do you create using office or school supplies when bored? Let me know in the comments.

Floaties

Having a pool means having friends over. It also means having FLOATIES to enjoy.

We bought some lounging inflatables before we moved in. You know, just because… I love the fact that everyone enjoys them all. Some are tubes with an animal head attached (the duck and flamingo). Others are just silly fun, like the llama and narwhal. I love the crazy fun we have with each one.

The narwhal is ridiculously difficult to ride. So it has become a game amongst everyone to see how long they last. Kind of like a mechanical bull. I’m the winner so far, but I’ve also had a lot of practice.

I think next summer we will try and get a bunch more floaties in order to fill the pool. It’s been so much fun this year, why not double it next year?