Sometimes my humor is a bit, how should I say this, bizarre.? Worse yet, it rubs off on people and they run with it.
Meet Arthur: The Office Moth.
He became an office mascot by accident. Back in the summer, we had an infestation of moths at my work. Naturally, I killed a few. But one stayed, um, “stuck” to a whiteboard. He remained there for ages and no one cleaned him off. Instead, a coworker made a Tinder profile for him because he seemed lonely squashed there. Shortly before Christmas, the artwork began.
Arthur became a tree topper for our Christmas tree.
And on New Year’s he celebrated with a party hat and balloons.
My coworkers and I have talked about the next stages of Arthur. How we are looking forward to Valentines Day, St. Patrick’s Day, and evening Easter. (Maybe Arthur can pull a Jesus moment and come back to life!)
But in all seriousness, it has made for some lighthearted jokes around the office. It helps to ease the stress of how crazy work can get.
Oh yeah, he got his name from “The Tick” which is filled with zany adventures which fit perfectly with our Office Moth artwork.
Welp. It’s here. 2020.
The roaring 20’s have begun! I’m excited about this decade and I don’t really know why. But today is starting off sunny compared to the torrential downpour yesterday. So at least that’s a good start. Oh and I’m going to take a nap as well.
Pretty sure the kids will nap as well. They were up all night long watching High School Musical films with their friends.
I’m also impatiently waiting for next year so I can make a bunch of Dad Jokes about 2020. That’s what really matters. Puns and jokes. And maybe less cursing. Those are next year’s resolutions because I forgot to make some for this year.
Are you ready for 2020? What are your aspirations and resolutions?
Today the kids start their winter break away from school. And as we do every year- we start it with a viewing of “National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation“. A classic film filled with perfect comedic timing. Also some wicked quotes that you can say and everyone knows where it’s from.
At least our Christmas Vacation is different than what the film portrays.
Today we announced to the kids that they are only going to be allowed thirty minutes each day on their phones. As well, if they want to play video games or watch tv it has be to with at least one other person. They are going to spend quality time together!
If you have kids- I hope that you have a great Christmas Vacation with them. It’s all about those family memories and creating traditions that will last a lifetime.
I’m writing today’s blog while sitting on the toilet this morning with my phone in my hand. It’s a regular routine. Usually I just scroll through Instagram or play some Sudoku while I wait…
Wait for my morning poop. That regularity which happens every morning after my second cup of coffee. Like a giant weight is lifted to start my day. Usually as I sit here I clear my mind.
A physical and mental emptiness to be filled up with the day’s activities. Coffee makes me more alert and energized as well.
And now it’s time to bring on the day.
It’s getting down to crunch time! Only one shopping week remains to get that special gift for your special someone. Unless you are in a perfect relationship like I am- where my wife said to me, “You don’t have to get me anything for Christmas.”
That is not what I wanted to hear. I’m fairly certain that she’s lying. I’m no good at guessing games. So if she dropped hints all year long- its likely that I missed them.
My wife did however buy herself a few items and give them to me to wrap. I guess not knowing which gift is inside which wrap is good enough? At this stage in life, one may as well buy what they want and gift it to themselves. That way you’re not disappointed and display “Present Face” for those not-so-amazing gifts.
In the past I’ve bought her jewelry she doesn’t wear and craft supplies she doesn’t use. I’ve even picked up kitchen knives and dishes in the past. These are more for everyone, but I throw her name on them so she has something to unwrap.
Yup, Christmas gift giving to my wife has me turning into a husband cliché. I’m not sure how to break the cycle. Maybe one Christmas I’ll nail it. Until then, I wonder how late Walmart is open?
We have a small winter chalkboard hung up in our kitchen. Every year we would write a countdown to Christmas Morning on it. After that would be salutations like “MERRY CHRISTMAS!” Or “HAPPY NEW YEARS“. This year I started it off with a joke instead.
A classic style of dad joke. “The Christmas alphabet has Noel.” Not funny but worthy of a groan. It was up for about a week or so until someone changed it. Still no countdown though. Seems like I may have started a new tradition. Out came another joke.
“Why does Santa have a big sack? He only comes once a year.”
Oh my. This was written by our 17 year old daughter. I laughed pretty hard at it because it was unexpected. She doesn’t normally tell jokes of this caliber. However, the playing field has been set and the bar is raised. Time to share more Lewdmas humor. I wonder how far these jokes will get.
I was in my woodshed the other day finding some more pieces to paint like I did two weeks ago (Check them out: Painted Wood).
I don’t have any more pieces with knot holes in them, but I did find some that I could see potential in. So I filled a box and brought them into my home.
A bit of cleaning and making sure they are smoothed out is the next step. After that it’s time to get inspired. Perhaps hours of Christmas music? Or watching favorite Christmas Movies (Gremlins anyone?).
Or maybe just a day off from work and get the time to do that. I’ve been at work too much lately. Hopefully that’ll change soon. Its not the worst thing to happen to me. It’s better than bad, it’s good. LOG!
What was I talking about again?
Last night at work for lunch I had A&W. It’s been a very long time since I’ve had food from there. The burger and onion rings were moderately okay. But my drink… I put the straw up to my lips and instantly hated it.
The paper straw gave me goose bumps and an icky feeling. So I couldn’t enjoy my beverage. Two hours later I tried to have another sip and the paper straw was turning into wet sugar pulp. It was as if the straw esophagus was having and allergic reaction to the soda. It began to collapse in on itself.
In the end, I took the lid off with the straw still in the punctured X and threw it in the trash. I didn’t recycle them out of sheer frustration and anger. Immediately I began to hate myself and A&W for ruining my meal.
Never again. No more paper mache in my drinks! I will hunt down a plastic straw wholesaler and stock pile those fish killing plastic death tubes. I know there are glass and metal straws available. But I’m not pretentious enough to carry one of those on my person in a leather satchel like a heroine addict and his kit.
You know what, from now on don’t give me a paper straw or a sippy cup lid (What the heck are those?) I’m just not going to buy fast food drinks any more. I was going to say I’ll just buy bottled water- but that’s bad for the environment too.
There’s no winning. Maybe I should just dehydrate myself like a raisin or a prune.
I woke up at about three a.m. and have been tossing and turning for two hours. Naturally I tried to go back to sleep. I was laying beside my wife and tried to match her breathing. I almost died. It seriously felt like my body wasn’t getting any oxygen. Maybe that’s how I should fall asleep- stop breathing.
I rolled over and picked up my phone from the nightstand and off to social media I went. Scroll… scroll… scroll… bored. At least I ended up down a rabbit hole of searching WordPress authors. That always makes me happy finding new places to travel and art inspiration. I guess it’s time to write my daily blog.
With this new Apple update I’ve opted for the Dark Mode. I guess it’s better for my eyes and brain, but it hasn’t made staring at my phone less appealing. In fact I was holding the phone in my hands and it fell onto my face. Apparently I’m not the only one who has their phone drop on their faces. I’m done with the day and don’t like that it woke me up so early.
Anyhow, here’s an early morning blog since I’ll probably burn out by afternoon and have no desire to write. Hope you had a good chuckle at my expense. Maybe next time I’ll tell you how I kicked myself in the testicles putting on pants.