It’s Five O’clock Somewhere

“It’s five o’clock somewhere.”

It’s a phrase many of us have heard, and even said, over the years.

It’ll be nice to have the pandemic behind us and celebrate once more. Sure, there’s still been enjoyment of alcohol over the past year or so. But hitting a pub, bar, or social house is something that even I long for.

Happy hour needs to happen again. We all need to let loose and enjoy one another’s company. We are so close to having this pandemic put behind us. Once it’s time to get jiggy with it, you’ll find me setting my clock to “Party Time.”

Yea. I’m tired and this post isn’t great. But that clock of mine is cheesy and I tried really hard to write a blog about it. Oh well.

Cheers everyone!

Raunchy Musicals

I love musicals. The way they tell a story through song and dance brings me joy. My mother took me to a few Andrew Lloyd Webber musicals back in the day. I enjoyed the experience of going to the Queen Elizabeth Theater in Vancouver to watch the shows.

However, I have an unusually soft spot for raunchy musicals. “Chicago” “Little Shop of Horrors” and “Rocky Horror Picture Show” are classics and relatively tame when you consider some others.

Recently, my sixteen year old daughter introduced me to “The Book Of Mormon”. The subject matter and lyrics are definitely offensive. But humorous nonetheless. I knew of this musical, but I missed out on it the last time it came around. Once shows start happening again- I hope to catch this one live one day. Perhaps I should show her “Cannibal! The Musical” by the same creators.

Because my daughter has a twisted sense of humor, like her old man, I am trying to find “The First Nudie Musical” from 1976 for her to watch. The last time I saw this film was in 1988. I don’t remember much about it and only saw it the one time. However, I do recall laughing quite a bit at the film. Perhaps that was partially due to the uncomfortableness of starting puberty.

Nonetheless, raunchy musicals push the envelope of people’s comfort and explore the deviancies and taboos of the world. I guess that’s what makes it art.

Do you have any musicals of that nature that I should watch? Let me know in the comments. Catchy songs are always good as well, even if they a more vulgar.

My Original Profile Picture

Recently Facebook reminded me of my first “Tagged” photo. It also happened to be the photo I used as my profile picture for the first year or so on Facebook.

As you can see, it is of my father’s gravestone marker. Anyone who I befriended at the start of my Facebook days would have seen this image. Obviously I took this picture and tagged myself in it.

Fourteen years ago, I didn’t take selfies or share many pictures. In fact, my first smartphone was the iPhone 4 in 2010. Any photos I did share were from a one megapixel digital camera. I had to upload The images onto our computer, then filter through them (because the display screen on the camera was tiny- there was now way to tell in a picture was good or great). Most of my photos were of my kids as well.

So there wasn’t a profile picture of me that I was content with. Not with the age of “Showing off Instant Perfection” starting…

Yes folks, it’s still going on. We all want to share the best part of our lives. Most of the time I think it’s great seeing the individual successes. But I also know that it can be mentally taxing on each and every one of us. Myself included- for both.

So instead of trying to create the perfect profile picture with a low end digital camera- I used a picture with my name. It also served as a reminder of my father and the difference in our parenting styles.

Plus it is a bit morbid seeing your own name on a tombstone. I find that stuff amusing.

Unappetizing Photos

Everyone loves to take pictures of their meals. Be it at a restaurant or a homemade meal. I am no different. If the food has a delicious presentation, it needs to be shared. “Instagramable” so to speak.

My wife made a lovely turkey dinner last night. So I took some pictures. Dinner was delicious. The plate in front of me was But you wouldn’t be able to tell that by these next couple of photos:

Just look at that bird’s hole. The flash from my phone added a glistening that really made it unappealing.

The cranberry sauce from a can was the perfect accompaniment to the turkey. Check out the ridges on the jelly. Yummy.

It’s amazing how a picture can change a person’s perspective on things. But the food was still just as tasty as ever!

Fool! Not Today, Excalibur.

Today was pretty weak for April Fool’s Day jokes. There wasn’t much in the way of big ones. Nor was there any good ones shared by my friends.

This is likely due to the fact that we are still struggling through a pandemic. Many of us are more adept in keeping informed and sharing real stories. We have become skeptical over the past year or so.

Life just went on being the way it is. Excalibur did not get to yell “FOOL!” at me today. However, putting up his image makes me want to watch some anime again. Soul Eater would be good for a rewatch.

The Internet Reacts Quickly

A few hours ago, a container ship (roughly as long as the height of the Empire State Building) got stuck in the Suez Canal.

The implications of how it is affecting the world economy hit almost immediately. Prices of gas has already shot up. Following soon will be the price of merchandise and goods. This vessel is preventing another 100 ships from going through the canal. It’s absolutely insane how quick the market is reacting to the news.

In true Internet fashion, the public’s reactions are humorous and just as quick. My favorite is the Austin Powers reference seen here. At the end of the day, no one is hurt and the ship will get moved. But the humor is far more appealing to most of us compared to the frustration of how much products and gas will cost in the coming days.

All you can do is laugh at the situation. I cannot wait to see what else comes from the talk show hosts and comedians today.

Green Food

Yesterday was St. Patrick’s Day, so my wife decided to have some fun with our foods. We added a bit of food coloring to a couple of our meals.

Our pancake breakfast was a colorful way to start the day. This breakfast is always a family favorite no matter what colour we make them. The skillet cooked flapjacks were delicious.

Dinner however…

Dinner was unsettling.

My wife made fried chickpea patties, which are always good. We had a basic romaine lettuce salad on the side. Our other side was rice with a mushroom sauce. The mushroom sauce was dyed green and was most unappetizing looking. That made it a bit more difficult to enjoy, even though it is something we have had in the past (only in its normal state).

One of our kids described the sauce as ogre snot. The other said it looked like Nickelodeon slime. Unfortunately the colour changed how the meal tasted in my mind. I’ve had issues with foods in the past based on texture or smell. Never colour. This was a first for me.

Note to self: do not dye cream of mushroom soup ever again.

Maskne

It’s been a year of following guidelines and wearing masks. I never had issues from breathing through a mask. But I have on occasion developed some acne from mask wearing.

The term that I’m sure you’ve heard is Maskne. A combo of mask and acne. I have only gotten a couple of pimples on my chin since the pandemic began, so I’m happy about that. I generally have clear skin.

I did however discover a zit inside my nose yesterday. A ZIT INSIDE MY NOSE. What the heck? Why? And why does it hurt so much?

I had to stick my finger into my nostril and press my nail against it to pop it. I popped the zit by picking my nose. It hurt so badly I was crying. Yup, I am a sexy man. Sorry folks, I am spoken for. My wife is extremely lucky.

How is your acne behind the mask going? Any fun stories like mine?

Funyuns

Today’s blog is about nothing. Flavored, crunchy air rings of nothingness. A strange chemical concoction that I decided to ingest as a late night snack yesterday.

This snack was salty and filled with all the fakeness you could imagine. A two dollar bag of flavored air rings. A glorious attempt at making them look and taste like onion rings, without actually containing onions.

And I ate the entire bag in one sitting. In my bed. Watching tv. Hating myself with every bite. Disgusted by the fact that I licked my fingers clean afterwards. Worst of all? I didn’t want to share them!

Funyuns. Damn you!

Laughing After Work

Every couple of weeks I work opposite a fella who I enjoy talking with. We have gotten into a routine of conversations while we drive to and from work. I really appreciate those phone calls.

We talk about pretty much everything. Work, family, the weather… you name it. But my favorite phone call is the one we have after work. That is when we share all the stuff that has occurred throughout the day. And we laugh. A lot.

It’s a great feeling to unwind after a long shift with a mutual kindred spirit. In all honesty, sometimes all we can do is laugh. Some of the most ridiculous things can occur in a twelve hour period. And it must be laughed about.

Tastes Trapped In Time

Fresgo. Forever trapped in Surrey.

Yesterday I took my daughter out for a late lunch date. We went to a place that I haven’t been to in twenty years. Fresgo Inn (Don’t bother with the website as it feels as if someone in the late 90’s attempted html). It has not changed in all the time I can remember. Nor was it very updated two decades ago either. This restaurant is trapped in some weird time vortex. Plus it was really difficult to locate. As if the Matrix had moved it two inches to the left.

My daughter and I walked into the cafeteria style restaurant and the first thing we noticed was the way the tile floor was grooved out by all the decades of foot traffic. Behind the plexiglass cabinets were styrofoam plates (styrofoam? Who uses that?) with oversized dessert portions. The same style of desserts that have been sold for ages.

The meals we chose were simple. Montreal style poutine and a cheeseburger. Massive portions, for the price we paid, created by a chef in one of those tall cylindrical paper hats. We ate our lunch at a table with mismatched chairs from the 70’s.

We ended up bringing plates of desserts home. The chocolate pie was rich and artificial tasting. The cheesecake tasted as if the chef had been smoking prior to starting his shift. Stale smoke filled every bite. It was like stepping into a time machine and taking a bite out of the 1980’s.

Besides the awkward feeling the restaurant has, it’s not my regular fanfare of foods. But it was worth a trip down memory lane. If I avoid it for another couple of decades- it may turn into The Restaurant At The End Of The Universe. Which it was already on the way to become.

Clean Sleep

I’m pretty sure I’ve mentioned this before, but it really bears repeating. There’s something wonderful about sleeping on clean bed sheets.

Washing bed sheets is something that kind of gets overlooked on a weekly basis at our home. Every week, my wife does laundry. In fact it’s almost daily it seems. But the beds? Each bed is practically a load on its own. So they get forgotten or ignored for a bit longer. But it’s awesome when those sheets are fresh and it’s time for bed.

I think that’s why I love hotels. They will change the sheets DAILY if you want them to. When traveling, if we are extremely active for the day, I’ll get the sheets changed. Honestly, that’s the beauty of vacations and traveling. Nightly sleeping in clean bed sheets.

Aw man, now I miss traveling. Maybe I should ask my wife to wash the bedding every day… That would go over well.

It Does Not Make Sense

I have no idea why today was so difficult. Work was challenging, but nothing crazy. Driving home had a bad pocket of volume, but no reason behind it once we passed the area. And then at home, everyone was on edge and short with each other.

Why?

No idea. Just a bad day of feeling poopy.

Now I’m laying in bed getting ready to go to sleep, when something completely obscure occurred to me…

You poo poo.

As in “poo” the action.

And “poo” the product.

Or am I calling you a name?

“Poo poo.” It doesn’t make any sense. Kind of like today’s blog. But it brought me a giggle to irritate my wife by annunciating the word “poo” with different inflections.

Finally, she said “You poo poo” to me. Pretty sure it was meant an insult. However she did giggle after.

I can now go to sleep happy after a conversation with my oldest where she asked, “Does Pooh poo poo-poo?” That sentence alone makes sense. Because you can also ask, “ Does poo-poo poo Pooh?”

Aw man am I tired. Sorry about the poo.

Da Ba Dee

Last year I wrote about Blue Monday. Well, here we are again- it’s that time of year once more. Blue Monday.

This year I don’t feel so negatively as I have in the past. So I figured why not be a bit more upbeat? Eiffel 65 was the artist behind the video I’m Blue from the 90’s. Most everyone I know will hate me for getting that song stuck in their head.

Besides getting my family and friends to hate me for that song, there’s going to be a tasty treat for later. My family picked up a can of soda from an Asian market today. It’s in a blue can and it’s called “Candy Flavor”. How fun! And I’m guessing sugar coma inducing.

What better way to beat the blues than with music and sugar! Like a party created for six year olds! Let’s beat those blues away.

What Am I Thinking?

There comes a time in every person’s life when they pose the question, “Just what the heck am I thinking?”

I’ve had those moments all too often in my life. Looking back, I can see how I’ve learned from them. But in the heart of the juncture, I can’t always see the results. Or whether they will turn out good or bad.

So I’m here. About to make a big decision in life and I don’t know what the future holds. I desperately desire a perfect result. Or I can just go on being and living my life the way it is. Only time will tell if it was the right choice or not.

One thing is certain- I will be asking, “What am I thinking?”

Bye Boba

Yet another original Star Wars actor has passed away. Today was Jeremy Bulloch- the original actor who played Boba Fett.

Back in 2012 I had the honor of meeting him at the Fan Expo in Vancouver. It was one of the local convention shows that my wife had a booth at selling her handmade hats. (Need a winter hat? Check out Ningen Headwear) I also remember it clearly because it was on a Sunday and the celebrities were literally across from our table looking bored.

So I took my six year old son over to meet a few celebrities. First we met the original Batman and Robin- Adam West and Burt Ward. Those two were sitting together and had a riot talking to my son about being superheroes. After about ten minutes of talking to Batman, we side stepped to talk with Mr. Bulloch.

My son’s reaction was to tell him how we had just met Batman and Robin. Jeremy’s reaction was perfect. The two of them talked about the old Batman show and how bad guys never win. My son knew who Boba Fett was, it’s not like I hadn’t instilled the love of Star Wars at a young age. But it really is different when you never see his face (compared to West or Ward).

Like I said, all three of these gentlemen interacted with nothing but kindness to my young boy. That truly made them heroes in my eyes that day. No fan theories or questions about getting into a costume or what it was like to work with other actors. Just a couple old guys playing along with a kid that they didn’t even know.

But those few minutes with Jeremy Bulloch were as impactful in our lives as Boba Fett’s original five minutes on screen. For that, I wish to say thank you sir.

Go Eat Worms

Today I was driving with my daughter and began to sing a song from my childhood. I’m not talking about a song from the 70’s or 80’s- I’m talking about a song I learned in my very early years of elementary school.

“Nobody likes me. Everybody hates me…”

Seriously. This song was taught to me as a child in grade one at a Catholic school. But that’s not what astonished me. What surprised me was that None of my kids or my wife had ever even heard this song.

Why was I taught such a depressing song about oneself? “Everybody hates me.” Honestly, reading the song lyrics make me think of how a person is so hated that they want to be dead and eat worms. Crazy.

But there it is. In the deep recesses of my memory. It blurted its way out nearly forty years later. My teens think I’m weird for learning the song and for even singing it randomly.

Did anyone else out there learn this song? Or any other strange songs that really may not be good for molding young minds that haunt you from time to time? I’m not talking Baby Shark or Barney the Dinosaur style.

Let me know in the comments.

Ice Mittens

Our home has been feeling colder than usual this year. No matter what I do to warm up, it never seems to be enough. I’m not alone either. I know my wife is cold at times as well. That’s because she shares her frigidness with me.

I swear that when I go to bed at the same time as her, she decides that her cold extremities need to touch the warm parts of my body. Her feet find my lower back or rub my calves the wrong way.

And then there are what I have dubbed over these past few years- her “Ice mittens”. Those hands of verglas that caress me into convulsions of terror. My squirms and shrieks only cause her to enjoy the torture she inflicts upon me. To say she is “cold hearted” is a lie. She is cold bodied.

It’s been going on for years. Somehow I manage to warm her up. It must be from the vibration of my shivering that causes friction to bring warmth to our bed.

I’m A Loser!

I may not have been the first to lose this year. In fact, I was forth to lose in my household. But amongst friends- I need to let you know that I have lost already in 2020.

Last year I made it to December 10th. This year I lost five days earlier. Losing at Whamagedon sucks. But it means that for the rest of the month I don’t have to avoid it any longer.

I put on Christmas music throughout the house for breakfast. I stepped outside to move the cars in the driveway and then returned. My daughters and wife were all in the kitchen- staring at me. That’s when I heard it. A groan came over me. That was when the three of them accused me of setting it up to get them out. I showed my wife that I had blocked numerous versions of the song on Spotify. Looks like I missed one of them

Had I taken another two minutes outside, I’d have survived. But likely the three of them would think I had gotten them out on purpose. So it was probably better that I were to lose as well. In our family- my son is the soul victor (so far).

Are any of you still in? Or has Wham! hit you with their rendition of “Last Christmas”?

Let me know in the comments if and when you get knocked out.

Maki

We adopted our newest member of the family back in October: Foster the Feelings. We gave her a name change that suited our family and would give her a new beginning. She adapted to it really quickly.

Yesterday we finally got her a tag with her new name– Maki. When my son and I were choosing the font, he pointed out one style that reminded him of our favorite sushi restaurant. And since we often call her “Maki Roll” it fit quite nicely. Now when she escapes our yard (she’s done this at least three times already) people can call us and complain return her.

While we were at the pet store getting the name tag- we also picked up an ugly Christmas sweater for her. This is the first dog I have ever had in my life that we have bought clothes for. I hate to say it, but she looks super cute. Time to get some other outfits for her- like a rain jacket.

She has become a significant part of all our lives. I enjoy the fact that her entire rump shakes with excitement when you come home. Or that she knows when to cuddle up to a person who is having a bad day. Maki is practically a support dog for us. She is a great dog and we are lucky to have her join our family.

Add To Cart

It’s Cyber Monday in the year 2020. Which is kind of like every other day this year. It feels as though we have been doing more online shopping than ever before. In fact, statistics are showing that the majority of us are doing more online shopping this year than previous years.

Because of all the extra shopping online, we have become very conscious about shipping. Paying for shipping feels like a kick in the face. Free shipping is a favorite, but also one or two day shipping is important. I don’t know why really. Whatever I’m ordering online, I clearly didn’t need that quickly. But hey, if Amazon says it’ll show up by 8pm the next day- why wouldn’t I choose that option?

I sometimes enjoy the surprise of “What’s in the box?” as a parcel shows up on our doorstep. Especially the packages that have taken longer than a few days to arrive. As Christmas nears, we have to be careful not to open these boxes in front of the kids.

I have no reason to do online shopping today. So I’m not likely to get caught up in buying something just for the sake of saving money on it. I save even more money just not buying something I didn’t need. I’m looking in your direction Air Fryer.

So before you complete that transaction today, take a moment and decide if you really needed to “Add to Cart” in the first place. If you’re like me, you’ll probably think about it briefly and question your choice, but then purchase it anyways because it’ll arrive in two days and have free shipping. Because it’s such a good deal.

On a serious note, remember to support small businesses through your online purchasing as well. These businesses can’t always offer free shipping because the volume they sell is no where near Amazon or Walmart. But the joy you give someone by buying one of their items is far greater than you could imagine.

The Death of Darth Vader

In honor of the passing of Dave Prowse- the actor who wore the Darth Vader costume in the original trilogy of Star Wars films- I wanted to re-share some lighthearted images. Originally I had shared these over the years on my social media. They are of Darth Vader being not so Darth.

As a Star Wars fan I always wanted to dress up as Darth Vader. I figured I would be a perfect fit since I have the height. Previously I was Obi-Wan Kenobi, maybe it’s time to join the Dark Side.

I’ve also had my kids grow up on Star Wars. On our trips to Disneyland- they each got to enjoy a lightsaber battle against a evil foe- Darth Vader included. Here’s a video from 11 years ago: Darwin vs Darth Vader.

Reflecting on the impact that a character has had on my life is important to me. The actor behind the mask (both literal and figurative in this case) is also part of the remembrance.

Thank you Dave Prowse for your actions as an iconic sci-fi character. You will be missed.

Are You Pondering What I’m Pondering?

Again, I was stuck trying to write my blog tonight. I was thinking to myself, “It’s the same thing I do every day…why can’t I just come up with something to write?” That’s when it hit me- Pinky and the Brain are so funny.

They try and take over the world every night. But it was never the plans that amused me. It was the crazy off putting comments that Pinky would blurt out as an answer to the nightly question: “Are you pondering what I’m pondering?”

I just took a break from writing this so I could watch nearly 7 minutes of responses. I seriously snorted a couple of times. If you loved Pinky and The Brain- check out Are you pondering what I’m pondering? Most are ridiculous (and dated jokes) but some were cuckoo crazy.

Even though I didn’t take over the world tonight, I enjoyed the silly hijinks of two lab mice once more.

Crisco

Two weeks ago I mentioned how it was getting close to choosing Music for November. Specifically Christmas music. I’m not going to lie, I’ve snuck in a couple playlists since then. Especially on Saturday when we pulled out the decorations.

I love playing music. Over the past few months I have enjoyed Spotify as it plays on all of my devices.

Last night as I was driving home, I wanted my iPhone to play some Christmas music. Only this time it wasn’t in my car or on my phone. My Spotify account was still connected to our home. So my music was being played for my family and not me.

They got to enjoy some Christmas Disco. Or as my daughter has decided to dub it, CRISCO. Probably my most favorite term this year now. And very fitting considering how much baking we do during the holidays as well.

From here on out, when I’m baking and listening to Christmas music- it’s only Crisco for the whole household!

All The Leaves Are Brown… Again

It’s October 1st my spookies! The world around here is changing from green and blue to orange and black. I love this gothic feeling that arrives before Halloween. I almost wrote the same title as i did last year for a similar story today- All The Leaves Are Brown.

With the change is seasons, comes the wonder of nature. The way the leaves begin to fade out from green. As if magically overnight- the air gets crisp and the ground below crutches underfoot. I remember meeting a couple of older ladies collecting leaves a few years ago- Leafers

In our yard, we have mostly pine needles falling. There are a few maple trees and what we like to call an “elephant ear tree” that shed leaves. Over the next week or so I suspect that we will be taking the dead leaves up into large piles to jump into. We should be lucky this year and not find any dog turds lurking underneath. (Our puppy is getting much older and tends to do his business just outside the door in an easy to find location.)

So be on the lookout as you enjoy your autumn walks. Especially if you have kids who love to kick up the fallen leaves. Nothing worse than stepping in a poop landmine and carrying that smell around.

And if you have a dog- please pick up after them. Unless you find it funny to surprise unwitting strangers, then be all means- be a jerk. The ghosts of Halloween will curse you and karma shall return with a vengeance.