Déjà Vu All Over Again

Last weekend I experienced déjà vu. Not just a small moment. Everything about the weekend had a sense of me doing it once before. From work, to being at home, even at the bunkhouse in Boston Bar and traveling by train. The crews I worked with had a sense of familiarity and a redo of something once done.

I have had senses like this in the past. I’m not quite sure what to make of the sensation. Could it have been because I had a head cold? Perhaps because my equilibrium was off. Or maybe everything had shifted two inches to the right.

I also thought that I had written a previous blog title déjà vu. But I was wrong. Even though this feels eerily familiar. I’m a bit suspect about this simulation we are in. I’m not sure when it will end. But a software update is necessary. Not ready for a reboot yet. I don’t really want to turn my life off and on.

Am I the only one who experienced this sensation last weekend? Maybe the planets or the moon had something to do with it. Or else I’m just going crazy.


“We experience ourselves, our thoughts and feelings as something separate from the rest. A kind of optical delusion of consciousness.” — Albert Einstein

Can you prove to me that you are conscious or that you have independent thought? My perception of you is what I deem as real. I create an idea/story of who you are. I will like or dislike you because I project certain qualities of mine at you.

Or maybe we are all one. Every consciousness at once. Past, present and future. A spiritual sharing that ends and doesn’t end at the same time. All designed to enlighten- ever lasting thoughts.

Philosophically speaking, no one truly knows or can prove anything. Theories and thoughts that keep me up at night. I’ve avoided all detection and calculated guessing. Only to share random thoughts for me to enjoy.

Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy?

I have no idea. Or maybe I do. Perhaps it’s both. Existential crisis of the day.

What Am I Thinking?

There comes a time in every person’s life when they pose the question, “Just what the heck am I thinking?”

I’ve had those moments all too often in my life. Looking back, I can see how I’ve learned from them. But in the heart of the juncture, I can’t always see the results. Or whether they will turn out good or bad.

So I’m here. About to make a big decision in life and I don’t know what the future holds. I desperately desire a perfect result. Or I can just go on being and living my life the way it is. Only time will tell if it was the right choice or not.

One thing is certain- I will be asking, “What am I thinking?”

Tick Tock

Tick Tock

No not the app. But the numerous Clocks in my house. All ticking away noisily as I sit at my dining room table alone. No one is awake yet. Even the outdoors are calm today.

Listening to the clicks and tings of my home as it wakes up is eerie. The sound of the heat slowly kicking in and a half dozen clocks mark each passing moment. As if my home is one large clock with many tiny clocks inside. And I’m just a cog going ‘round.

All the while these sounds are filling my mind with the idea that I’m flittering my time away. Staring blankly at my phone as I scroll through my latest newsfeed. Passing time until the next moment.

Tick Tock goes the clock.

Take The Compliment!

The toughest critic on you is yourself.

I love creating art. I think I make decent art things. But I’m also hard on myself and find all the flaws where I could have done better. What’s worse is I enjoy showing it off to people, but I don’t take compliments very well.

My art of choice varies on my moods and the seasons. I’ve always been crafty and creative. This time of year I enjoy carving pumpkins. I can’t wait to get my hands on some and let the creative juices flow! I’m also excited about showcasing my costume. I’m a bit worried that the more I talk about it, the less it will be amazing when I show it off.

I don’t want to show it off quite yet, but I also want some advice on a few parts of it. Argh. Silly brain isn’t being helpful. I’m sure people will tell me it looks good, but I want better than that!

Ack. Argh. Ugh. Just take the compliment Joe. It’ll be fine.

One Day Monday

Another Monday has come and gone. It’s just One Day.

One Day Monday.

A single use day which never comes back. One Day that starts the week. The week that we all look forward to the ending of. Only to start the cycle again. Monday starts with a push to get through the week.

But why? It’s only Monday. I think we need to stop fearing Monday. Stop racing through the day. Enjoy the day a bit more. Take a few extra seconds to sip a coffee or read a new article. We need to take Monday back.

It’s just ONE DAY. One day we cannot get back.

Don’t Talk To Me

Today I had a “Don’t F*cking Talk To Me” kind of day.  I wasn’t having a bad day.  I just had no desire to interact with humans.  The little interactions I have had were short and one word answers.  That was most of my day.  Plus I got two naps.

So why did I want to be left alone?

There’s a lot on my mind lately.  There is some maintenance to be done in our home. The kids are reaching their year end at school. Property taxes and summer vacation are on the horizon. And pretty much everything in between.  All jumbled and swirling in my head that I don’t know where to start. So I needed a “Don’t F*cking Talk To Me” day.

I am going to move past this. Llike the old adage says, “How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.” That’s my life at the moment.  I had my time of inner reflection.

Tomorrow is baby steps.

One bite at a time.

The Old Razzle Dazzle

Give ’em the old razzle dazzle

Razzle Dazzle ’em

Some days it feels like all I’m doing is putting on a show for others to watch.  It also feels like they tune in when they’re bored…

Give ’em an act with lots of flash in it 

And the reaction will be passionate

I’m not sure why people love to complain.  I enjoy doing it from time to time.  I even get worked up over ridiculous things.  Like people who don’t use coasters for drinks.  That came from when I was five and we were visiting my aunt and uncle outside of Connecticut.  I got yelled at for putting a glass on their glass dining room table at breakfast.  Man.  The little things that make you who you are…

Give ’em the old hocus pocus

Bead and feather ’em

How can they see with sequins in their eyes?

Stringing together a story all the while hiding what I’m really trying to say.  There comes a point in almost all of my stories that I am deliberately talking about someone whom I know reads these.  It’s not always obvious who I’m speaking of- especially when I mesh together aspects of different people in my life.

What if your hinges all are rusting?

What if, in fact, you’re just disgusting?

I’ve gotten to a point in my life that I don’t much care for all the negativity out there.  I’ve also come to the realization that I don’t want sexist attitudes and racism around me or my family.  There comes a time that you have to choose what kind of role model you need to be.  Hiding sexism or racism behind “humorous” images is deplorable.  I don’t need it in my life.  I really don’t need to have my children think that I’m like that either.  I can’t tell them to do the right thing if either I myself or a “friend” is chauvinistic and sexist.  I want my son to be a gentleman and my daughters to expect courtesy and respect.

Razzle dazzle ’em

And they’ll never catch wise!